Depressed !!!
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I was so depressed last night thinking about my retirement, the
economy, the wars, lost jobs, etc . . . I called a Suicide Hotline. I had to
press 1 for English. I was then connected to a call center in Pakistan. I told
them I was suicidal. They got excited and asked if I could drive a
truck...... -
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hmmm, thinking about myself ... i have a license to drive trucks from my army time
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LOL! - On the same theme:
There was a knock on the door this Sunday morning.
I opened it to find a young, well-dressed man standing there who said:
"Hello sir, I'm a Jehovah's Witness."
So I said "Come in and sit down."
I offered him a fresh cup of coffee and asked "What do you want to talk about?"
He said, "Beats the shit out of me, I've never gotten this far before." -
Uh oh, a joke thread. :mail:
? Went to the pub with my girlfriend last night. Locals were shouting "pedophile!" and other names at me, just because my girlfriend is 24 and I'm 50. It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary.
? The cost of living has now gotten so bad that my wife is having sex with me because she can't afford batteries.
? A man calls 911 and says"I think my wife is dead". The operator says,"How do you know?" The man says "The sex is about the same, but the ironing is piling up!"
? I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You obviously haven't been listening."
? My wife has been missing a week now. The police said to prepare for the worst. So, I had to go down to Goodwill to get all of her clothes back.
